A Mother’s Fear…Not What You Think
Yesterday, the world celebrated one of the hardest, yet most rewarding jobs ever…motherhood. I spent my day hanging out with my 3-year-old son and still trying to comprehend the fact that I’m a mother. I still forget at times because for years Mother’s day was solely about my mother, grandmother and the other women who helped raise me. It’s an adjustment I’m still getting used to, learning about and taking one day at a time. While watching one of my guilty pleasures last night, The Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion, I had a break-down moment over a fear I tend to have often in terms of being a mother.
I watched as the main “diva” on the reality show, NeNe Leakes, broke down when the subject of her mother came up. Her vulnerability was touching, but that wasn’t necessarily what got me worked up. It was the realization that the majority of people who have issues when they are adults say it stemmed from something that happened in their childhood. For the most part, it has something to do with one or both of their parents. My son was sleeping at the time. I looked down at him, kissed his little feet and began to weep while praying, “God please continue to guide me in raising this child and let him always know, and feel, that he is loved unconditionally.” Too many adults out here today are hurting internally due to the actions of their parents during their formative years. It is also true that, at times, some parents don’t even realize something they said or did affected their child so deeply. Basically, I’m afraid of screwing up my son in any way. I do know I’m a good mom, but there is no handbook to motherhood. Most don’ts are obvious, but I pray for discernment for the ones that aren’t. Whatever I do or say will eventually be instrumental in the kind of man he becomes.
I am an entrepreneur. I have many dreams and I WILL make them come true. I’m ambitious, but do my best to find the balance in my life. This is especially true when it comes to my son. At times I do pray that he understand when I say I can’t play with him at the moment because I have to work or that he does have to share my attention with my business sometimes. His birth made me go even harder because I will always teach my son that he can achieve whatever he wants. Skies the limit always. I want to always practice what I preach to my child. Children mimic what you do. I can tell him about what he can do in his life until my face turns blue, but if I don’t do the same in my own life then my words are in vain.